"What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here?"

From an email sent by my Mom:

 

YOU might be a school employee if  you

 believe the playground should be equipped with a

 Ritalin salt lick.

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

want to slap the  next person who says, 'Must be

nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers  off.

 

 YOU might be a school employee if it is

 difficult to name  your own child because there's

no name you can come up with that  doesn't bring high

 blood pressure as it is uttered.

 

YOU might be a school  employee if you

can tell it's a full moon or if it going to  rain,

snow,  hail....anything!!! Without ever looking

outside.

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

believe,  'shallow gene pool' should have

 its own box on a report card.

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if

 anyone says, 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow

 today.'

 

YOU might be a school employee if when

 out in  public, you feel the urge to snap your

 fingers at children you do not  know and correct

 their behavior.

 

YOU might be a school  employee if you

 have no social life between August and June.

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

 think people should have a  government permit before

 being allowed to reproduce.

 

YOU  might be a school employee if you

 wonder how some parents MANAGED to  reproduce.

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

laugh  uncontrollably when people refer to the staff

 room as the  'lounge.'

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

 encourage an  obnoxious parent to check into charter

schools or home schooling and  are willing to donate

 the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out  of

 district.

 

 YOU might be a school employee if you

 think  caffeine should be available in intravenous

 form.

 

 YOU might be  a school employee if you

 can't imagine how the ACLU could think that

covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring

 uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could

 ever be  misunderstood by the public.

 

YOU might be a school employee if

 meeting a child's parent instantly answers the

 question, 'Why is this kid like this?'

 

YOU might be a school employee if you

would  choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

 

 YOU might be  a school employee if you

think someone should invent antibacterial  pencils

 and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!

 

YOU might be a school employee if the

words 'I have college debt for this?' has

ever come out of your mouth.

 

YOU  might be a school employee if you

 know how many days, minutes, and  seconds are left in

 the school year!