I have a confession to make. For the most part I seem happy-go-lucky and bubbly.  I put on a smile everyday and try to make the best of things, but the truth of the matter is that I've been fighting depression off and on since high school.  It's not situational depression, but full-fledged chemical / clinical depression.  Most people don't get what this means. They continually ask "What or who is making you depressed?" or "Why are you depressed?"  It's not necessarily situational, although certain situations can certainly exacerbate the problem.  Its hard to talk about the irregularity of seritonin and dopamine levels in the brain when everyone assumes that someone or something must have happened to make you feel like putting your head in the oven. Don't worry, I have an electric range. I'd just get severely burned which would make me even more depressed because I am rather vain.  This time, my depression is caused by a condition that I have called hyperparathyroidism.

The worst part is that I feel like I have no one to talk to about the problem except for a professional.  I am always the person who everyone else leans on so when I tell them that I'm going through a rough time, it is never taken seriously or its brushed off.  Then, they go on telling me about their problems.  I have a feeling that I put on too good of a front. My husband who isn't that empathetic in the first place finds it hard to believe that I'm depressed. He sees me as some resilient warrior woman. I don't think he's ever seen me cry. Of course, I hate crying. It makes me feel like someone or something's got the best of me. Anyway, I just felt like getting this off my chest.